Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions on workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: avoiding the work Christmas party, being ghosted by a mentor and creating faux workplace values.
When the office Christmas party is a minefield of bad behaviours, is it better to give it a miss?Credit: Dionne Gain
Our work end-of-year drinks are always messy. Last year a senior manager tried to hit on one of the junior employees, but nothing was done about it. This year the function is at the same venue, same open bar, and the same HR emails have just come out reminding everyone to act respectfully and responsibly. I just want to skip the event altogether, and others feel the same way, but we are worried we will be seen as “difficult”. Can I just not go?
End-of-year events must have the highest ratio of poor behaviour per minute than pretty much any other professional gathering I can think of.
It is no wonder so many organisations have done away with them and found something more impactful to do as a team. Since your company still seems to think they are a good idea, it is great news that you are not alone. Stick together and I think you have a few choices.
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First, you can go together to HR or whomever is organising the annual end-of-year events and ask that in future they consider doing something other than a “piss-up”. In the meantime, let them know you would prefer to sit this year out; not because you don’t love your job or because you don’t like a good party, but because you don’t like your workplace turning into a drunken free-for-all. A completely reasonable request. If you end up feeling you must go, stick together on the night, make an appearance and then get out of there. It sounds like many people will have had a lot to drink so it is likely you can turn up briefly and leave without any one noticing at all.
A senior woman took me under her wing when I joined the company. She’s now ghosting me – cancels catch-ups, ignores messages, but posts selfies at “women in leadership” events. I’m hurt and confused. Do I ask what happened or just accept I was a pet project?
It is a shame this mentoring relationship seems to have ended, but it may not be due to you. Her communication leaves a lot to be desired, that is for sure, but it may be worth thinking about what else could be going on.
First, it may be that she truly is really busy, and for whatever reason, has needed to put you at the bottom of her priority list. We have all had moments like that and while the impact on you is significant, the decision may not have been personal. Second, she may have had different expectations that the mentoring was temporary, not ongoing. I can think of many mentoring relationships that do fizzle out over time. Third, she may feel you don’t actually need to be taken under her wing any more, as she is impressed with all you are doing on your own.
