Grab your partner (or not, if you’re single), a notebook to record your answers, and follow these steps to write sex resolutions that will take your sex life from stressful to thriving in months.
What are your hot and heavy highlights of 2024?
Start by reflecting on the steamy moments you enjoyed the most from the past year. This isn’t just a feel-good exercise — it helps you to approach the rest of this process with a positive mindset that reminds you how capable you are of accessing even more pleasure.
Identify at least three highlights each, doing your best not to put yourself down by comparing yourself to where you think you should be. Your wins could include discovering a new position that hit just the right spot, that extra loving sex you had back in March, or when you shared a bedroom boundary you’d been nervous about.
Where is there space for growth in your sex life?
Without dwelling on what isn’t working, choose one sex-related goal you want to achieve on your own along with one shared resolution to work on with your partner.
Pick areas that will make the biggest difference to your pleasure, pushing your comfort zone slightly while making sure they feel achievable.
Write these resolutions down in positive, specific terms that highlight what you want, rather than what you’re unhappy with. For example, instead of saying, “I’m going to stop avoiding intimacy and putting other things first,” try reframing this as “I’m going to grow my genuine desire for intimacy so I’m excited to say ‘yes’ to sex and have it as a priority in my life.”
What’s your ‘why’?
Inevitably, there will be hurdles to bringing these resolutions to life, otherwise you’d have done it already. That’s why tapping into your deeper motivations behind these goals is important. This keeps you committed to pushing through obstacles as they arise to get to the pleasure on the other side.
Ask yourself: Why do you want this? What happens if you do achieve this? What could happen if you don’t?
How do you want to feel along the way?
You could grin and bear your way through this process. Or you could make the journey just as satisfying as the outcome by getting intentional with how you want to approach your resolutions.
You might commit to incorporating patience, self-love, or playfulness into the action steps you’re about to take over the next 12 months, along with a healthy dose of commitment or resilience.
Turn your resolution into a plan
A resolution is just wishful thinking until you’ve worked out how you’re going to bring it to life.
Start by thinking about how much time you can realistically commit to your goals each week, then use that as a guide to determine what steps feel achievable for you. Overcommitting could be frustrating and mean you fall off track, while under committing might mean slow progress — both of which can make it tempting to throw your plan into the too-hard basket.
Decide on at least the first step you’re going to take for each resolution, scheduling a date in the near future to review whether you’re ready to move to the next stage to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re not sure what steps will get you to your goal efficiently, explore books, podcasts, and articles that include relevant strategies. Or if you want to take the guesswork out of it, book a session with a sex coach or therapist to get a tailor-made, evidence-based plan that’s clear, actionable, and built for success.
Stay accountable
These are not resolutions you’re going to forget about mere weeks after you’ve set them. That’s why your plan needs to include an accountability process.
A coach or therapist should check in regularly with you about how you’re progressing, or you can hold yourself accountable by setting weekly calendar notifications that will remind you to keep taking consistent action. You can also ask your partner or friends to do periodic progress checks with you.
Follow these steps and your sex life will be unrecognisable before you know it!
Sofie Louise is an Auckland-based trained sex and libido coach who is passionate about supporting women in reclaiming their sexuality.
