Co-owner of The Durham, Adrian Moran is helping more single Canberrans meet in person. Photo: Thomas Lucraft.
There’s probably a kernel of truth to the belief that true love is getting harder to find.
Not because it doesn’t exist, but because online dating has evolved to act more like a marketplace than a genuine conduit for lasting happiness.
Dealing with swipe culture, ghosting, love bombing, and those dreaded catfish quickly becomes exhausting. Chemistry can be tricky to gauge from a picture or bio, and casual hookups aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.
There’s also the safety aspect to consider; does anybody really know who they’re talking to if they’ve never met in person?
Whatever the reason, one pub owner has noticed a recent uptick in Canberrans who say they want to get off the apps altogether.
Co-owner of The Durham Castle Arms Pub in Kingston, Adrian Moran hears plenty of stories while behind the bar. He’s noticed a widespread disdain for online dating since lockdown and says it’s only growing stronger.
“There’s a lot of pressure to perform in modern dating that I think tires people out,” Adrian says.
“You hear all the experts saying people are lonelier than they used to be, even though we’re more ‘connected’ than ever. So I thought, why couldn’t we just put on a casual mixer at The Durham?
“They used to happen all the time, but it’s almost niche now, especially for young people.”
Adrian teamed up with Cheeky Events to plan the pub’s first Singles Mixer earlier this year. The Durham has hosted a handful of ticketed sessions since and feedback has been great so far.
“Lots of people prefer to chat one on one, but we do see groups as well, and it’s not just about romance. I’ve spied plenty of new friendships forming,” Adrian says.
“There are no set rotations or time constraints, so you’re able to mingle as you please.”
Cheeky Events founder Cheri Mangan designed these mixers as a more casual alternative to traditional speed dating events.
Without the pressure to perform or grab someone’s attention right off the bat, plus an experienced host to keep the vibes going, she says the events are all about free-flowing conversation and spontaneous connection.
“Getting everyone to start meeting in real life again is a bit of a mission for me,” Cheri says.
“But cold approaching someone in a bar can be really daunting, and disheartening if it doesn’t go well.
“On the other hand, everyone at our mixers is single and open to relaxed conversation. There are lots of laughs and no pressure to be anyone but yourself.”
It wouldn’t be a true mixer without a way to break the ice, which Cheri brings in the form of colour-coded conversation starters.
“Green questions are fun and surface-level. You might be asked about your favourite karaoke song, or what pets you have at home,” Cheri says.
“Yellow cards dig a bit deeper with things like core values or aspirations. Red gets right to the core, asking questions like whether you want children and what your non-negotiables are in a partner.
“Don’t worry, things never get too heavy. The Durham has a warm, inviting atmosphere that naturally makes people feel comfortable.”
The Durham also provides table games such as Uno and Jenga to keep the mood light and carefree.
Singles Mixers shouldn’t feel too unfamiliar, because there’s still some app use involved.
Before the event make sure to set up a Cheeky Events profile, which you can use afterwards to match with those you connected to. The rest is up to you (or the universe, depending on your preference).
Hot tip for first timers: arrive early so the host can introduce you to other newbies. Oh – and don’t forget your name tag.
“I might be biased, but for me, there’s no better place for a relaxed date than your local pub,” Adrian says.
“It all came together for me when I saw a couple coming to our weekly trivia nights together after meeting at a mixer.
“The Durham has been around for more than 30 years and it’s wonderful to think about how many friendships and relationships out there started right here.”
The next Singles Mixer is set for Thursday, 31 July (ages 24 to 44), from 7 pm to 9 pm at The Durham Castle Arms Pub.
To find out more or make a booking, visit Cheeky Events: Canberra.
