Wearing a poppy is a duty tied to a role she revoked. Meghan gave up trying to be British long ago and reverted to who she is: a cringey enthusiastic American keen to be centre stage.

The real bind: Meghan can’t win either way. The game is rigged.

For mine, she showed grace not pulling poppy focus in a week when the Princess of Wales laid her first Remembrance Day wreath. The showgirl ceded the limelight. Smart.

Had she jaunted off to Jenner HQ sporting a poppy, bet you my house, super and annual lemon crop she would have been called a hypocrite.

Sidenote: for those of you thinking, “she still uses her duchess title, she can’t have it both ways”, I get it. I have wrestled with that too.

And I have concluded titles are legal names. Meghan ditched a job and lifestyle, she didn’t go into witness protection. The title is hers. Keeping it doesn’t mean she’s clocked on for royal service any more than keeping your ex-husband’s surname means you’re still washing his jocks.

The more interesting story, btw, is seeing Harry and Meghan in their new social metier. The pics of her at a momager’s party with people who sell undies and bronzer were ace. See ya tiaras and protocol and ruling classes, let’s do tequila shots with reality TV royalty. Love.

But those pics were removed from Kardashian Insta accounts – reportedly at the Sussexes’ request – because they knew what they should really be worried about. The optics of partying with Oprah and Jeff Bezos while William toils away at rebuilding the brand after the Andrew scandal and Harry angles for a way back into the fold. That’s a problem. Meghan’s lapel isn’t.

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What really gets up my nose about the latest snarking is Meghan’s sartorial choice wasn’t read as “woman goes to party unadorned”. It was, “ex-royal continues to refuse lifelong unpaid emotional labour for Britain”.

That’s the expectation, isn’t it? That she’ll spend forever performing symbolic deference to a place and people she explicitly walked away from. Forever on call to show she’s appropriately grateful, reverent and sorry.

Meghan didn’t disrespect anyone. She didn’t snub veterans. She just didn’t pay lip service to something unrelated to her.

If someone quits a job, you don’t demand they wear their Coles uniform when they shop. You don’t keep them on the group chat when they’ve left the building.

Five years later, we’re still acting like Meghan is on the public clock. She’s not.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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