That history is why last year I felt protective seeing a fellow female reporter get kissed in the workplace. Asked in this masthead if it’s okay to do that. That question generated tons of headlines, radio discussions, death threats and a Media Watch stitch-up but no actual answer.
Those experiences are why this week, seeing two women face workplace humiliations, I feel furious for them and every woman still putting up with this shit on the clock.
Catherine Lucey, Bloomberg’s White House correspondent, was told “quiet, piggy” by the US president after she asked him a question. Unbelievable. And shattering that in 2025, Lacey felt her best choice was to cop it.
I wonder whether in that second, she weighed up clapping back, or whether she knew that when the story came out it would be proof anew of the calibre of the man demeaning and shutting her up.
Then there’s Matildas star Mary Fowler. In her new book Bloom, Fowler reveals her torment when she and another black teammate were given farewell bananas instead of flowers when departing from French club Montpellier.
Aged 19 then, Fowler has since “tried to justify it in many different ways”.
Ah, Mary. You don’t have to justify anything. But I get why you stayed quiet. So do zillions of us who’ve done the same thing and beaten ourselves up over it.
Mary Fowler celebrates scoring a goal during a match between the Matildas and Korea Republic in Newcastle in April. Credit: Getty Images
What connects these moments for me is the truism that girls are trained early to protect other people’s comfort. Be nice. Respect authority. Don’t make a scene. Don’t be “that woman” who can’t take a joke or makes everything about gender.
We’re praised for absorbing humiliation. But when girls are raised to be good instead of angry – to take the bananas, the insult – they’re conditioned to wonder if they’re overreacting.
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As I did, they calculate in real time whether speaking up will cost more than staying silent. And almost always arrive at the same answer.
I worry that when these moments happen at the highest levels, they create tacit permission that could cascade through every workplace.
If the president can shush someone and criticise their body publicly, why can’t the middle manager? If a famous club can be racist, why can’t your boss?
Both Lacey and Fowler reacted to workplace shame as they were trained to be. Composed. Professional.
But professionalism shouldn’t require swallowing degradation. And it shouldn’t eclipse rage and frustration that these women had to taste it at all.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
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