The way teens like Winnie and her friends communicate will likely change significantly from December 10 when social media platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, X, Threads, Reddit and TikTok must deactivate existing accounts in Australia held by under 16s, prevent under 16s from opening new accounts and block or minimise “work-arounds”.
While under 16s or their parents will not be penalised if they try to access or use the platforms, the platforms themselves face fines of up to $49.5 million if they don’t take “reasonable steps” towards enforcing the ban.
“You’re going to have this social situation where some kids are going to really struggle, some are going to be relieved and some are going to continue to access it like normal without any change [because they’re over 16 or they’ve found a work-around],” Rowlands says.
“In schoolyards and friendship groups, we’re going to have a different scenario than what has been before.”
The reality of parenting in the digital age
Technology journalist and executive coach Mark Jones, whose four kids are aged between 11 and 22, has seen it all when it comes to social media use in teens – from the positives of his older kids sending funny “snaps” to each other each day, to his son being physically assaulted following a falsehood that was spread online.
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But from the good to the ugly, he says digital communication is undeniably a crucial part of being a teenager today.
“This is how they communicate, it’s the fabric of the society that they’ve grown up in and been exposed to,” says Jones, author of the new book, The Story Code.
“As a parent who wants the best for his kids, you’ve got to help them get the right balance between safety and social connection [because] in year 7 to 10, the most important thing in your life are your friends.”
He says the social media ban may help him delay his youngest son, Ethan, 11, setting up social accounts, but he knows it probably won’t be entirely straightforward and he’ll still likely want accounts before he turns 16.
“We want them to learn how to live safely in this world and we don’t want them to be a pariah in their social set – the damage of that is also significant,” he says.
“The hope I have is that the legislation is a blunt tool for the social media companies to take greater social responsibility. And if this becomes an opportunity to build trust with your kids, that’s a great thing. Now you’ve got a reason to talk about the tech.”
How it hurts
As tempting as it might be for many parents to celebrate the social media ban as a simple solution to delaying kids’ access to social media and the risk of exposure to bullying, unrealistic body ideals and toxic masculinity, Rowlands says parents need to try see things from their kids’ perspective.
“Even if we’re relieved or excited, we’ve actually got to go, ‘It’s not about us right now’,” Rowlands says.
“Us cheering and saying ‘Thank goodness you’re going to be kicked off’ [may] add a wedge and an ‘us versus them’ parent-child dynamic.”
Rowlands says parents might benefit from reflecting on their feelings during the COVID lockdown years.
“Recall those times when we had things taken away and how many different emotions we felt – we were confused, we were sad, we were scared, there was sometimes relief. It is potentially going to feel like [that] for their young people,” she says.
Danni Rowlands says the ban is going to be difficult for many, especially in the early days. Look for ways to engage them in other activities.Credit: Eddie Jim
Adolescent psychologist Jocelyn Brewer, founder of Digital Nutrition, says parents shouldn’t dismiss how important many teens find their social media accounts.
“For some young people, this will be the equivalent of me having my diaries burnt in the 1990s – I was an epic journal [writer] and it was a complete summary of my life,” she says. “For a lot of kids, [social media accounts] are identity-forming; it’s how they make sense of their world and share.”
Jocelyn Brewer says parents should not underestimate the impact the loss of social media accounts will have on teens.
Treat it as a reset
Friendship expert and school educator Rebecca Sparrow hopes the social media ban makes the government the “bad cop” to make it easier for parents to delay their kids getting social accounts. In the meantime, she says it’s a good opportunity for parents to encourage their kids to socialise IRL (in real life).
“You might say, ‘I am glad this is happening but I get that it’s hard for you so let’s figure out a way to make it less hard. What do we need? Can I make this house more teenager-friendly so we can have more hangouts here?’,” she suggests.
Sparrow says it’s also a good opportunity for conversations about what a good friendship consists of.
“Social media can be a great way to keep up with people, but it is not a tool for building strong friendships,” Sparrow says.
“I can comment on a post on Instagram saying ‘Babe, you look so hot’ but that’s not friendship; it takes three seconds of my time. Friendship is actually showing up for people, it’s finding out that your dog is at the emergency vet or your grandma died last week and being there for you. What everybody wants in life is one or two ‘ride or die’ friends and that requires effort – social media does not build those kind of friendships.”
Teens will still be able to access YouTube Kids, Google Classroom, WhatsApp, Messenger, Discord, Github, LEGO play, Roblox, Steam and Steam Chat, so Brewer says parents still need to be “digital lifeguards”.
“I think it’s a really good opportunity for families to have conversations about where technology sits. It’s an important opportunity to look at, ‘Why do you actually need this? What are you getting out of it?’,” Brewer says.
“[Families] who walk the line nicely between [digital] participation and safety start with communication – there’s open dialogue and there’s interest [from parents] in what young people are doing in these spaces.”
Take the ban for children under 16 as an opportunity to engage with your child and reset their relationship with social media.Credit: Getty Images
How to help
Here are the experts’ top tips for helping children navigate the world of the social media ban.
- Reduce your own social media time. “You might say ‘We’re going to do this as a family – I’m going to reduce my time online too’,” Rowlands says. “That means we are not teasing our young people with the fact we can access something they can’t.”
- Have family dinners. “We eat dinner together most nights, and that’s where things [that have happened online] often come up,” Jones says.
- Help them with backups. The legislation states platforms must allow under-16s to export or access their data before deactivation (or after) in a usable format.
- Watch content together. “Parents that are willing to get in and play have a deeper understanding of what their kids are actually doing,” Brewer says. “I liken it to swimming lessons – you don’t just put your three-year-old in a bubble and chuck them in the pool, you get in with them, helping them and playing with them. It’s side-by-side then you slowly step away.”
- Be patient. “They’re probably going to have an increase in irritability [as they are] weaning off, so we are encouraging people to start the process sooner rather than later,” Rowlands says.
For support call the Butterfly National Helpline on 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or visit www.butterfly.org.au to chat online or email, 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEDT).
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