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Cutting ties with family has traditionally been highly stigmatised, says Willis.

“The stigma surrounds this social narrative around maintaining family relationships at all costs,” she says, explaining those who choose to end such a relationship are often judged.

But she thinks the stigma is lessening as awareness of the harms parents can inflict upon children – such as those illustrated in the Australian Child Maltreatment Study in 2023 – grows.

On the internet, support groups for those going through family estrangement have increased, while in popular culture, more celebrities, such as child actor Jennette McCurdy, are speaking out.

Beyond cases of abuse, Dr Katie Wood, an associate professor and clinical psychologist at Swinburne University of Technology, says family estrangements most commonly come down to a “conflict in values” – such as over wills or new relationships.

What is ‘boymum culture’?

In recent years, the internet has exploded with countless memes and videos exploring the sometimes troubling dynamic between mothers and sons.

Dubbed #boymum culture, this kind of relationship is characterised by a tendency to favour sons over daughters, a deep attachment to one’s son and often, feeling threatened by sons’ romantic partners.

Brooklyn’s allegations about his mother’s behaviour offers an opportunity to reflect on just how toxic this dynamic can become.

Speaking about his 2022 wedding to Nicola, Brooklyn wrote: “In front of 500 wedding guests, Marc Anthony called me to the stage, where in the schedule was planned to be my romantic dance with my wife but instead my mum was waiting to dance with me instead.

“She danced very inappropriately on me in front of everyone. I’ve never felt more uncomfortable or humiliated in my entire life.”

Brooklyn also alleged “my wife has been consistently disrespected by my family, no matter how hard we’ve tried to come together as one”, and that Victoria, who was originally meant to design Nicola’s wedding dress, cancelled the design at the last minute.

David and Victoria have never publicly acknowledged the rift, and have not commented on Brooklyn’s statement.

This masthead is not suggesting that the allegations made by Brooklyn are true, only that they have been made.

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Why is it toxic?

It should go without saying that being a mother to a son is not inherently toxic. However, #boymum culture illustrates the potential for harm when the boundaries between the two roles are confused or crossed (often referred to as co-dependency or enmeshment).

Wood says parent-child relationships are highly individual, and those between fathers and daughters and mothers and daughters can be equally complex.

However, for mothers who often take on a primary caregiving role, it can be difficult to accept a child growing up and forging their own identity.

Most parents will accept this shift as developmentally appropriate, but for some, this can lead to feelings of anger and jealousy.

“That mum may feel threatened; that their son is no longer loyal to them, and they may feel resentful if the son goes and forms a relationship with another woman. Then there’s a question around, ‘What’s my role?’,” says Wood.

This in turn can cause the new partner to feel excluded and, in time, lead to estrangement.

Among parents and children of all genders, Willis says it’s common for partners to be blamed.

“In interviews with estranged children and parents, the parents will often attribute the cause [of the estrangement] to an external factor, like a partner they don’t approve of,” she says.

“Whereas the children always come back to kind of this ongoing pattern of control or emotional abuse.”

How to maintain healthy child-parent relationships

Both Wood and Willis recommend talking to a therapist or health professional if family relationships become strained.

Thinking about boundaries – such as no contact – even if they seem harsh, is important if it means preserving a relationship and one’s own wellbeing.

For parents, she says it’s about “understanding that over the course of life, roles and responsibilities change. Fundamentally, our roles as parents is to set our children up to function in the adult world, and have healthy adult relationships. We provide the foundation to do that.”

For partners stepping into a conflict, she encourages them to think about their role in it – whether it’s a dispute rooted in family history, or one involving them – and acting with integrity in a way that preserves their own values. This may look like setting boundaries, or choosing not to react to inflammatory messages.

Finally, if you do choose to distance yourself from family, Willis stresses the importance of leaning on mental health and social support.

“If someone chooses to become estranged, there’ll be relief, but there’s also a lot of grief that lives alongside that.”

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