It turns out a midlife crisis doesn’t always involve a sudden desire to trade in the family car for a Porsche 911 Carrera or even booking a one-way ticket to the Greek Islands for a Shirley Valentine-style journey of self-discovery.
Rather, as it was in my case, it can show up far less dramatically, like a quiet nagging, or a low hum of discontent that over time becomes impossible to ignore.
After turning 50, a quiet restlessness that I first noticed six months earlier began to grow louder. Is this it? Is there more? What about the dreams I still have? Is it too late? And if it’s not, then where’s my drive? Will I ever get it back?
“It is not uncommon for women to reach 45 or 50 and start asking themselves some really hard and honest questions,” says Melbourne-based midlife coach Jacqui Hawkins.
“Often, their kids are growing up, they have become less reliant on them, and these women are simply feeling lost,” says Hawkins, who launched her midlife coaching business, Lit Within, in 2024. “The spark’s gone, and they start questioning – ‘What’s my purpose? What am I here for? And actually, who the hell am I?’”
“Throw in perimenopause and menopause, a frenetic lifestyle and high cortisol levels, and these women have just hit this point of absolute exhaustion.”
Midlife coach Jacqui Hawkins
By the time some women enlist Hawkins’ services they are completely burnt out. “Some women come to me, and the spark hasn’t just dimmed, it’s been completely extinguished. There is no life left in the person,” she explains.
“Throw in perimenopause and menopause, a frenetic lifestyle and high cortisol levels, and these women have just hit this point of absolute exhaustion, where they are asking themselves these incredibly soul-deep questions about their purpose in life,” she says.
It’s a feeling Hawkins knows all too well. As a former lawyer and coroner, Hawkins says she was “totally burnt out” when she walked away from her dream job at the Coroner’s Court of Victoria in 2023. “For more than a decade I investigated thousands of sudden and unexpected deaths,” she says. “I loved my job. It was meaningful and deeply human work. It also meant bearing witness to tragic loss, over and over again.
“I reached a point in my own midlife where I just wasn’t happy any more, and I began asking some really honest questions, like ‘Who am I, beyond my title and responsibilities? And is this the life I want to keep living?’ It took me 18 months, and lots of tears and heartache and wrestling with my ego, before I handed in my resignation,” she explains.
When I first met Hawkins, having realised I need a professional to help me answer all the questions I’d been wrestling with, I told her I was feeling “lost and stuck” and that “nothing is lighting me up any more”.
It wasn’t the first time she’d heard these words – words which often come from women around my age, women juggling careers, motherhood and marriage while sometimes caring for older parents. Still, she was curious about why I was feeling this way.
One of Hawkins’ greatest strengths as a midlife coach is her ability to help her clients also get curious about their own feelings. By encouraging this self-inquiry, she opens the door for them to uncover the answers for themselves.
In the three months I’ve worked with Hawkins, she has never once offered direct advice or told me what to do. Instead, through a combination of techniques – neurolinguistic programming, values-based exercises, and guided meditation, among others – she’s helped me to understand what I need to feel purposeful and energised again.
Despite being a journalist for 15 years, it turns out writing – something I hadn’t done for some time, and especially about subjects that may help others – is essential for me to feel alive.
Hawkins has witnessed profound transformations in midlife women who take the time to engage in coaching. “Many of these women have spent decades working hard and responding to external demands – careers shaped by patriarchal systems, societal expectations, and limiting beliefs,” she says. “Often, simple shifts – like challenging a belief or being given permission to dream – can spark powerful lightbulb moments. Some women I work with realise they’ve never truly allowed themselves to want more or believe they’re worthy of it, and this awakening can be deeply liberating.”
“I think one of the biggest things I’ve got out of coaching is that it has equipped me to live a happy and sustainable life rather than just existing in survival mode.”
Gina McNamara
Gina McNamara, a regional chief financial officer at German software company SAP, first engaged leadership and midlife coach and author Jo Wagstaff more than a decade ago.
McNamara, now 47, says Wagstaff has supported her through every significant life transition since, including perimenopause. “When I first worked with Jo, I was in my mid-30s, in a newly appointed executive role, with few female role models,” she says. “I wanted to work with someone who could offer holistic support, balancing leadership, purpose and wellbeing. Early on, I was also dealing with some personal challenges, including the loss of my brother and deciding whether to start a family.
“More recently, I’ve engaged her as I’ve navigated divorce, career decisions and now perimenopause and all those big questions you start asking yourself when you reach midlife,” she says. “She’s a circuit breaker. She never tells you what to do, but she knows how to ask the right questions. She’s helped me challenge things like imposter syndrome and people pleasing, helped me set boundaries, prioritise self-care and reconnect with my values.”
“I think one of the biggest things I’ve got out of coaching, especially now that I’m heading towards 50, and I’ve seen so many of my friends hit burnout really hard, is that it has equipped me to live a happy and sustainable life rather than just existing in survival mode like so many women my age do,” she says.
Like Hawkins, before becoming a coach, Wagstaff was enjoying a highly successful career in financial services, until she wasn’t. “I loved my career and yet despite achieving everything I thought would bring me happiness – career and material success, recognition, family, and senior leadership – I found myself feeling deeply unfulfilled and burnt out,” she says.
Around the same time, Wagstaff’s marriage ended, her father died, and she felt like she wasn’t being a “good enough” mother to her then-young son. This emotional dissonance became a catalyst for transformation, prompting her to leave the corporate world and pursue psychotherapy and coaching.
Her personal search for meaning and purpose laid the foundation for her work, which now supports thousands of women navigating similar midlife transitions. Through her coaching practice, Lead Like You, Wagstaff has observed that many women in midlife arrive at a point where they begin questioning the traditional definitions of success.
“They’ve done all the ‘right’ things according to cultural conditioning. They’ve climbed the career ladder and they’re raising families, yet they often feel stuck, dissatisfied, or emotionally disconnected,” she says.
However, Wagstaff points out that engaging a midlife coach doesn’t have to result in doing something dramatic like throwing in your day job or leaving your marriage. Though some do that, too.
“For many women, even small changes like speaking up at work or having honest conversations at home lead to life-altering transformations,” she says.
Hawkins, meanwhile, has no doubt that experiencing her own midlife burn-out has helped her to become a better coach. “I think it helps that I have walked in these women’s shoes. I know that for me, it would have been a hell of a lot easier and there would’ve been far fewer tears and doubt if I had someone supporting me through this period of my life. I feel blessed that I can do this for so many other women,” she says.
For me, working with Hawkins has helped me reconnect with my values and my passions. And while I can now answer many of the questions I began asking myself a year ago, I continue to work with her to challenge any fears and limiting beliefs I still have.
I am also writing again, including a book, and instead of feeling lost and stuck, I feel like my 18-year-old self, full of possibility, potential and life. As Wagstaff puts it, “Midlife isn’t a crisis – it’s a powerful opportunity to reclaim identity, purpose, and joy.”
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