Happy New Year! How was the hangover? Brutal as usual? Sorry about that. So, about now you are probably still trying to live up to those resolutions you made when the clock struck midnight on December 31.
One may have been to give up and/or slow down on your drinking. Me? I’m not going to even bother contemplating such a feat. Sobriety, like New Year’s resolutions, is of no interest to me. The idea of going without a chilled flute of champagne in celebration of, well, anything really is simply intolerable to my delicate sensibilities. Cheese without a robust red? Not on my watch. A cold beer on a hot day? Yes please. I reckon abstinence be damned. Life’s too bloody short.
You see, this isn’t my first new year. I’ve circled the sun so many times now, I’m dizzy. And, unlike so many other Januarys past, when I’ve set goals to improve myself, these days I don’t even bother. No point. I know who I am. And I’m OK with me.
So, let me share with you the list of resolutions I will not be keeping this year, or any following. Judge me all you want, I can assure you I won’t give a flying what you think. I decided not to bother with other people’s opinions years ago, a resolution that’s stuck.
Losing weight
Damn, how many times have I vowed to drop kilos after the Christmas festive period? Too many. How many times did I do it? The answer is never. But here is what I have done, I’ve stayed the same, normal-range weight for the past 20-odd years and not buggered up my metabolism with yo-yo dieting, fasting, intermittent meals, calorie cutting and starvation. I’m not slim, but I’m also not fat. I’m the shape I’m meant to be. So, you can keep your scales, pinch tests, tape measures and fear of food. If I get run over by a bus tomorrow, I want crumbs on my blouse, cheese in my teeth and a pinot noir stain on my lips. At least my loved ones will know I died happy.
Getting fit
This is a noble goal if you have health issues and I applaud you if you succeed. But my attitude to exercise is that it shouldn’t be an effort. I walk my dog, I swim, I take stairs instead of lifts. I don’t need a buff bozo bullying me to lift, strain and struggle. I just need my doctor to tell me I’m OK, and he does, regularly. Should that change, I’ll do something about it.
Looking younger
How ridiculous is it that as we age, we want to turn back time? I get the pressure; it’s impossible to avoid. I see celebrities looking younger than their children. But at what cost? All that pulling, lifting, freezing and plumping takes a toll physically, mentally and fiscally that, to my mind, is way too high. Then there’s the other price to pay for a youthful visage, and that is movement, expression and, well, normalcy. It’s one thing to look fresh, another to look frightening. I have never seen someone with lots of work done who looks, well, natural. Eternal youth is a Faustian pact I am not interested in making.
Saving money
As I write this column, I am reclining on a hammock under a palm tree on a tropical island. I kid you not. Can I afford to be here? Hell no. But here are my thoughts on the matter: I have probably only 10 to 15 years left when I’ll be physically able to enjoy the pleasure of travel. I’ve worked my entire life to try to get ahead financially and have concluded it’s a race I’ll never win. I have no kids to leave anything to, so in my mind it makes sense to spend what I have. I’ll get by; it just won’t be in a paid-off palace.
Getting angry
I know I regularly blow a gasket over what is happening in the world but, dammit, so I should! It’s madness out there and people are suffering. I know others take the tack to look away but I can’t and won’t. I’ll stop caring when I stop breathing.
So, you do you this year. If you feel you need to change, knock yourself out. Me, I’ll be keeping my resolution to stay the same: grateful, genuine and, most of all, content.
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