“Often home care is pushing saying ‘you need to do this and this is the best thing for you’ but the person with dementia still has their own agency and can still make their own decisions,” Hennessy says.

Social events may look a little different – but keep doing them

Christmas is a time to catch up with family for many, but for people with dementia, big social events can be confusing and anxiety-inducing as they struggle to process a lot of information at once. However, Hennessy says staying away is not a good solution.

“It is really important to remember that the person living with dementia is still a person first,” she says. “Just because they have dementia doesn’t mean they are not interested in being really active and socially engaged.”

Instead, try to create a calm environment where social interaction is controlled and you can maintain a level of routine.

“It can be a tricky time,” she says. “Often families feel that real need and want to make memories and bring everyone together, but suddenly having that disruption to routine and a really busy environment can be really confusing for a person with dementia and cause them some distress.”

Consider putting on a smaller event or having a room where the person with dementia can take time out. Preparing family members for what to expect – and how to respond – is also key to creating a day everyone will enjoy.

Because slowing cognitive processes are part of the disease, Hennessy says you can start conversations by asking questions with “yes” or “no” answers to make the person with dementia feel more confident.

“Everyone experiences dementia differently,” she says. “Often it’s about thinking clearly and not layering on too many questions at the same time or too many instructions.

“Ask one question at a time and giving them time and space to respond. Often they have the language and they know the answer, it just might take them a little bit longer to process the question and then to find the information to respond with.”

Hennessy says Dementia Australia often sees an uptick in calls in January, after family members have caught up with relatives over Christmas.

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“It is not uncommon for us to get calls in early January saying ‘I saw mum or dad and I didn’t realise how much things had progressed and we probably do need a bit more support’,” she says.

While it’s not unusual for people to feel hesitant about connecting with a person with dementia for fear of upsetting them, isolation and loneliness is common. Better, Hennessy says, to err on the side of visiting to best gauge their desire for socialising.

“Expecting too much is at one end of the scale, but also realising that the person might want to feel valued or a part of the special time [is important] too,” she says. “[Consider] how the person has previously celebrated and how you might be able to find a way to continue those traditions in a controlled way.”

Go with the flow

As dementia progresses, carers may report that their loved one slips into delusions, holding steadfastly to false beliefs such as an invitation to tea with the queen or the need to get to the office when they retired long ago.

Trying to convince them otherwise can cause distress, for both carer and the person with dementia.

“It’s a really common question we get through our national dementia helpline. People might say ‘I feel like I’m lying to a person or not telling the truth’,” she says. “If someone is insistent that they have a meeting with the queen, it’s not necessarily lying to them if you enter their reality. That’s what they think is going on. But there are ways of doing it without reinforcing it or escalating it.”

Distraction can be a useful strategy.

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“If someone says ‘I’ve got a meeting with the queen’, say ‘OK, let’s talk about the queen. What do you know about the queen? Who is she? Tell me about her’. You’re entering their reality, wanting to talk about what’s on their mind. You don’t necessarily have to reinforce the lie but telling someone with dementia ‘no, that’s not what’s happening’ when that is what they’re insisting is in their reality can be really jarring.

Caring for someone with dementia can be exhausting. Hennessy says to plan some time for yourself at this time of year, perhaps when there are more family members around to share the load.

“If you know you have a few busy days caring and supporting, think about how you can plan ahead. There might be someone else around to take on the caring so that you can get a break. Seek support. Contact us. We are available 24/7, 365 days a year.”

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