Kyle Kuzma, the stylish NBA player, sent model Winnie Harlow a message on Instagram in 2019 and reached out again in spring 2020.
She hadn’t seen his first message, but she saw the second and replied. In February, they became engaged.
Actor Vanessa Hudgens sent a message to Cole Tucker, a former baseball player, after spotting him in a virtual meditation session led by Jay Shetty.
“I get on the Zoom, and I’m like, ‘Who is that?’” she shared on The Drew Barrymore Show. “If I want something or someone, I’m going after them. I fully just slid into his DMs and was like, ‘Hey, it was nice to meet you.’” They married in November 2023.
Natalie Joy DM’d former Bachelor Nick Viall in September 2019, after one of Viall’s Instagram photos popped up on Joy’s Explore page: “You’re unreal,” she wrote. In April 2024, they married.
Jake Paul, the social media personality and boxer, slid into Jutta Leerdam’s DMs in 2023 to ask if she wanted to be on his podcast.
Leerdam, an Olympic speedskater, recounted the story in the Netflix documentary Countdown: Paul vs. Tyson, saying she had her reservations at first, believing him to think “he can just get what he wants”. In March, they became engaged.
“DM is like a celebrity phone book,” said Charles Porch, the vice-president of global partnerships at Instagram, who has been at Instagram since 2012 when he recruited famous personalities to join the app. Unless message requests are disabled, almost anyone can reach out to a star – whether they hear back or not.
An app like Raya, by contrast, requires membership (for which one has to apply and be accepted) and is partly dependent on the luck of the algorithm displaying a user of interest.
Singles are increasingly meeting their significant others online, but dating app fatigue has set in, and many users are deleting the apps or using them less frequently. Everyday people have long turned to platforms like Facebook, Instagram or X to scope out potential love interests, believing it offers a more organic way to connect while providing a more authentic glimpse into someone’s life or values.
“There are all these light ways to interact and express interest that are more low-pressure,” Porch said.
According to Instagram, the number of DMs sent on the app grew 15% in the last year. On Rizz, an AI dating assistant that helps users craft replies and has half a million monthly active users, the highest share of screenshots uploaded to the platform comes from Instagram, as opposed to a dating app.
On Instagram, tension can also build up over time, which can make the dating process feel more natural as opposed to the contrived nature of a dating app. “You can kind of get the vibe before going straight to asking someone on a date,” Porch said. “You can let it develop and see where it goes.”
Carmelia Ray, a celebrity matchmaker and dating coach, said that DMs on Instagram are a common method for her clients to make the first move. “A DM is the digital icebreaker,” she said. “I think the fact that there’s already been a precedent or history of celebrities admitting to using DMs, it turns it from taboo to trendy now.”
The concept of sliding into DMs became a pop cultural touch point since the 2015 release of Down in the DM by rapper Yo Gotti, in which he talks about using social media to flirt. Bad Bunny and Drake have also both sung about flirting in Instagram DMs. In 2024, the song “act ii: date @ 8” by 4Batz exploded in popularity with lyrics about texting in DMs.
And while sending a DM might be an easier way to express your romantic interest, it still doesn’t guarantee you’ll avoid the pitfalls of modern dating. “I’ve met so many people that I’ve dated on Instagram DMs,” Olivia Rodrigo said onstage at a show during the Guts World Tour in 2024. “Some of them a little questionable.”
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Sadiba Hasan
Photographs by: Neilson Barnard, Michael Buckner, Dominique Charriau, JC Olivera, and Dimitrios Kambouris
©2025 THE NEW YORK TIMES
